Thursday, December 31, 2009

My end of 1 crazy year

Well wow, today is it! The end of Two Thousand Nine.... It definately has been a crazy 365 days.  Working three jobs half of the year, meeting so many new people, trying to save some friend ships, being single for the entire year (well except for this month ;) ) Throughout the year I look back and several things I do regret but I had to hit rock bottom to go some where from it right?

I drank too much in secret to hide my sorrows, which in turn took time away from my studies in my last semester in college.  I seperated myself from my sorority and friends, which now I am sorry for because I am all most 1000 miles away from everyone.  Though I DID graduate.

I regret some choices I made while living my last few months in Erie, PA.  I would have never made them if I wasn't in the mind set I was in.  I can say I have been depressed for a long time, I have learned how to deal with it and my anxiety.  But moving out of dreary errrie has really changed that, I can say I have not been depressed since I made a life altering decision!

For 2009 I can say that my random up and moving to Low Country has been the greatest thing I could have done for myself, my mother never left and I would love to say that is why she is who she is...but idk if I can say that.  Also my dad never got the chance to leave, though he wishes he would of...but he still says he was meant to stay in Erie so that he could adopt my brothers and have me, to save us from a life that could have made different outcomes to all of our successes.

I hope for this new year 2010 that I do not make regrets now that I have reset my life per say.  I hope that I can continue to maintain my healthy relationship with Alan, my family, and God.  I hope to have the courage to handle myself in a controled manor for most situations. and the courage to share a life with my new beau. 

  1. Lose my last 10lbs
  2. run in several races, hopefull 1 by feb
  3. maintain a healthy lifestyle
  4. save money, while paying bills ;)
  5. help someone less fortunate
  6. apply to graduate school
  7. learn something new

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Holidays and Home

So I traveled home for the holidays again, this time I flew.  I do enjoy the traveling, and time with my familia.  Well in short bits, it really wouldn't be a nightmare if it wasn't for my dads' wife.  She is a pain, she complains about every little thing and is extremely over dramatic about oh, uh, EVERYTHING.  Every holiday she is always complaining about the food, she can't handle the garlic we put in our food.  Let's back up, she' English and they don't know how to cook with flavor/ spices, so she is always over loaded with (in my mind) great flavors.  She says she has to make herself throw up after every time she eats with my family or it will upset her for days. Yet she'll stuff her fat face with her families boring food that I can't eat. Even my health food tastes better than the cardboard they cook! So she says she got sick christmas eve so wouldn't come to dinner on christmas day, even though she ate all day at her parents and was still eating when I came home from my mom's parents. Ironic.

So she makes my holidays frustrating, maybe its because I stay with them... But I don't want to stay with grandparents because I'll come home late once in a while and I don't like to bother people.  I had to keep my cool the entire time I was home, though a few times I almost blew it and retailiated to her.

I  do not know why my dad and his wife ask me what I want for christmas or birthday if they wont get it for me.   Now I've grown up and I don't ask for outlandish things, all I wanted was either a Steelers Jersey OR a digital camera.  My dad even asked on Thanksgiving if I still wanted a camera and I said YES, what did I get? hello kitty christmas ordaments, hello kitty shirt, (now i love hello kitty but i'm not going to wear a shirt that is also bought for my 4 year old neice), a penguin night light, a brown orange, hello kitty highlighters. Apparently I am 4 years old at all times. 

So what did I do? I said thank you for my gifts, then immediately ran to my cell phone and called my new beau Alan to complain.  He is very patient with me and I love him for that (a blog will be made on how we met!) I couldn't wait to go home to SC to be with him and get back to my life.

After two full days and 2 half days I couldn't wait to come home, and have little christmass with my beau!!! I missed him a lot

He really is amazing, for christmas in all from him I got a CHI (hair straightner), cowboys jersey(didn't care for but its for him), and a new DIGITAL CAMERA :) he really is amazing he knew thats all I wanted and I can't believe he actually got it for me, I guess me complaining and bitching about my family he got it so I may stop :)

I couln't ask for a better ending to a caotic christmassssss

Thursday, December 17, 2009

oh the south

Fell for a country boy... Turning my world upside down one day at a time

"Ladies Love Country Boys"

She grew up in the city in a little subdivision

Her daddy wore a tie, mama never fried a chicken

Ballet, straight-As, most likely to succeed

They bought her a car after graduation

Sent her down South for some higher education

Put her on the fast track to a law degree

Now shes coming home to visit

Holding the hand of a wild-eyed boy

With a farmers tan

Shes riding in the middle of his pickup truck

Blaring Charlie Daniels, yelling, Turn it up!

They raised her up a lady but theres one thing

They couldnt avoid

Ladies love country boys

You know mamas and daddies want better for their daughters

Hope theyll settle down with a doctor or a lawyer

And their uptown, ball gown, hand-me-down royalty

They never understand why their princess falls

For some camouflage britches and a southern-boy-drawl

Or why shes riding in the middle of a pickup truck

Blaring Hank Jr., yelling, Turn it up!

They raised her up a lady but theres one thing

They couldnt avoid

Ladies love country boys

You can train em, you can try to teach em

Right from wrong but its still gonna turn em on

And they go riding in the middle of a pickup truck

Blaring Lynyrd Skynyrd, yelling, Turn it up!

You can raise her up a lady but theres one thing

You just cant avoid

Ladies love country boys

They love us country boys

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Financial Crisis

Alright, awesome, well......

Did not realize that yes all of my student loans are due ohhhh by next week! I do not make enough money, nor am I a perament employee!!! Yeah, yer, forbearance please please get approved! I guess I was suppossed to do this two months ago, did not realize that it was due so soon!!!! I thought only one was due.

Its $88.00 + 170.00 + 130.00 = can't afford lol I guess not too bad, but i'm making buy on all of my bills now!!! Which I realized my Cellphone bill was jacked up! Yeah I Have been over paying for months!!! I didn't realize at some point Vcast (gay) got put on my bill, an extra 15.00 a month WHA?!?!?! I am so jacked right now!!!!

UGh Just frustrated, i hate money!!! making me want to either run to the service/ameri corps for a while and or idk, i really want to be back in schooL!!!! Def need to start studying for my GREs like offically now!!! not like I do anything else now a days.

Though I really need to focus on my research and also should I take the BIO GRE???? Wish someone could help me on that situation!!

So freaking out that I can't afford my loans and do not want bad credit! I have been good at paying most things....

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


I have been through some crazy times with some crazy people, I have loved many, hated several, and lost countless.    You think that some people will always be the ones that you can tell your deepest darkest secrets to, or be that shoulder to depend on when you need to cry it all out.  Everything seems to come and go in waves, friends, good ones, close ones, simple ones, drinking ones, movie night ones.

I knew my freshmen year of college due to a situation of an abusive relationship I lost the closenss of two very important people.  I pushed dozens away that year, few came back and I was able to reconcile but many never wanted to speak to me again.  I understand I lied and I pushed, but the mental state is no a normal one when it is involing an abusive relationship.

We all seem to drift apart, different schools, different cities, different parts of the country or world! It can get lonely, it is like when you leave and start a new life you have to start all over with the people you let know initmate parts of your life!

 I know I am going through this process, there are two friends from back home I do not want to lose and I do try to make contact with them, though it seems like a lost cause because I do not get a response or communication from the other end.  It is a hard reality to hit.  Now I am becoming close to a friend here and it is nice, a new friend/relationship (thats how i've considers these things).  THough who knows how long i'll be here or her (married to airforce)

It is easier for couples, people who have a significant other (male or female) becuase then if its right then not only do they have a lover, but someone who is also their bestfriend whom they are so close to on so so many levels.

I feel I have been missing out on quite a bit, since I seperated my self my senior year of college from my friends at school and also not having someone by my side.  Not that I'm saying I need to be dependent on someone but, after 2 years(feb) it would be nice to find someone who'll stick around past the 30 day mark.

Randomly been thinking this....

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Home Sweet Home

Alright, so I haven't written in a few days.  I went back to Erie for Thanksgiving.  The 10hr trip up went pretty well, really there was no traffic.  When I first got there I actually felt weird, 3 months away from home for the first time.  It really seemed small.  Roads, traffic, people.  I was surprised that an area of 79 was finally finished after 4 years of road work! Only took me leaving PA (Ha-Ha)

The 4 days I was home really made me see I left a mix of things behind, but for a completely better life (atleast I still think so).  One it was cold (lol) really not a reason to leave.  I love my family, they are my backbone of life, always loving and caring.  Though I definatly saw how fake my dad can be to my family, but guienune to his wife's side.  I don't know why, I think it's because of her because she doesn't like loud or food that has flavor!  They spend more often than not with her family and barely anytime with my side, hence less face time with el padre.  Then when we're home he complains about my family, and I don't see anything wrong with them, they are good open people.

Thanksgiving night I went and spent time at my old bar to visit my old boss, also a dark life.  If  Ididn't leave I would still be drinking everyday just to get through my days.  Also realized I do not consume alcohol like I used to, I don't know how much I had but lets just say the next day I had lost my jacket and my cell phone!!!!

I see how much people drink in erie, and how much of a problem I actually had.  So saturday when I went to dinner with subway ppl I had barely 2 beers!! then at one "club" i could barely finish a budlite lime, I just wasn't feeling it.  Met up w/ an old best friend and they all drank while I just talked.  It was interesting how I felt, like outside, but also didn't care to drink.  I told my friend that next time I come home lets do coffee instead lol WOW CHANGE

In my life it seems change has always been for the best.

Busy week this week for me, Trainer tonight, vet for rain tomorrow, lunch with the women in my lab, someone visiting this weekend(idk what to think about this last one).

Rain needs to get in to puppy school or i'm going to lose all of my carpeting in my apt!!!!

***I have no clue what happened to spell check so if some words are badddd I am sorry****