Monday, November 29, 2010

Today I will run. Yes, I think I will

IT has been a short while since I have been on here; hope everyone had a great holiday weekend! Mine was good and not so good. My karma must be just out of whack, or I have had lots of bad karma built up. My thanksgiving night the BF and I went to our friend’s house for a great and lovely dinner, bottle of wine, and some pie. Though I was not home with my family, I was spending a great holiday with a new found family down here.

We leave with a full pumpkin pie, my friend made two pumpkin pies and two pecans so we got pie and turkey, yummy. Get home around 8:30- 9:00 carry all our goodies up stairs clean up and go to sleep. Little did we know what lie for me in the morning?

In the morning the BF gets up and goes hunting, I had a list of things to do. One of which included sleeping in! I am wakening by pounding on my door! The puppers is yelling I am going “Wtf” I get up and dressed, no more pounding on the door… Creepy, open the door slightly. No one is there. Hmm okay.

Have my coffee and bagel watch my recording of BL; Where are they?

Get ready to go to the store because I wanted to make a rum cake for the hunting club we were supposed to spend the weekend down there. I go down to my car, get in. hmmm something is out of place.

All of my vehicle papers were thrown about the car! Someone was in my car rummaging through it!!! They stole my purse/wallet which was under my seat hidden. UGH SO upset, but the stoopid people did not take my GPS?! Ugh

Upset call BF took over and hour (no reception) cancel all cards, freak out, call police, freak out.

Needless to say we just lay around Friday because I was so upset. Saturday we eventually made it to camp but only after the police officer came back out and processed my car. Which was boring for the most part, the camping I mean.

I have not run. I have been lazy and I ate!

Today is a new week, I only have 50some days left before my FIRST marathon. Also today the office (of my apartment community) called; someone dropped my purse in the drop box. What?! Weird. EVERYTHING in it…

Maybe the just wanted cash; which I don’t carry.

Oh well.. Someone still violated my car.

Today I will run. Yes, I think I will.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

The Unsuccessful Miles

We all know our limits…well I guess except for Ms.Ritz she just doesn’t listen and tells the people in her head quiet! Most of us know when to stop or keep going. We know when to test our body and mind and when to let them rest. We know when we do things to hurt our selves. Taking too little time to recover, taking too much time.

In this case I took too much time, last time I ran was last Friday a 16 miler. Then I went camping as previously mentioned. I was scheduled to run Monday, I felt so sluggish. I went home after work and lie down. So yesterday (Tuesday) I go out for my 8 miler. UGH. It hurt, my shins hurt for the whole first 4 miles, I couldn’t bare myself to keep going. I wanted to cry. Maybe I should have kept going. Maybe I should have run on Monday and just sucked it up. This has been the first time this training period my shins hurt, I had been babying them the entire marathon training and getting amazing results with a lot of miles.

But I did not, now I am 13 miles behind my week’s schedule. Today I would like to get 10 miles in. I have thought about breaking up my miles during the week to morning and evening. Then I just can’t get the courage to get up out of bed. Then I question my self, am I setting myself up to hate my first marathon? I am over half way through my training. I only have 7 weeks left.

I hope that I can get my head on track; I feel that there is so much going on up there (see previous posts) This is difficult on your own to train for a marathon blindly running.

I haven’t run a race since…August. (Random)

I talk a lot of game but going and doing what I say, ha. Like last night BF wanted to go out to dinner at a local restaurant Tuesday they have ½ off burgers (beer, turkey, chicken) they grind their own meat and fresh fries. So I said that I would run 4 more after dinner. No I was tired we get home mess with the laundry for 50 mins. Watch the rest of Bucket List, cried, and went to bed.
At 8 p.m. So you would think that I would be able to get up early to go run, yeah no.
I do make it to work by 7:30 to leave early. So hopefully I will get the miles in. Maybe write down my daily goals to accomplish…I always feel good about finishing a list.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

TOO Much on my Mind

I had thought about running in a Turkey Trot. I had all intentions to run in one, along with my BF. It was slightly expensive, $30.00 but was going to. Then I just forgot, and now have decided that my forgetting to register for it was a good idea. It does not seem so smart to run on Turkey day, well race then eat a lot and then run 20 miles the next day. And camping again this weekend

I should have run yesterday, but I was so exhausted still from the weekend of camping. I only have 4 runs a week; I get them in just not on the original schedule.

So this week-

Tuesday- 8miles

Wednesday-10 with 8 miles at 8:43

Thursday- 8 miles

Friday- 20 miles

I am going camping Friday night until Sunday so this is how I can fit it in, I wanted a rest day before my 20 but I also need to get my miles in.

It is funny now that 8 miles truly is easy and I know I will finish just over an hour.

My motivation last week was great, this week… It is there. I am worried slightly that I am getting or have been sick. I have just felt drained and can’t seem over come it. I also have had a slight headache and just sick feeling…

I have too much on my mind…about graduate school, do I apply? It is crunch time and I just don’t know if I am ready? Then I feel pressure by everyone that I need to apply now like if I don’t apply now then I never will. That is not it… I have all ways been the most motivated person anyone knows, I think I want to do different things before I go back to school.

I am not a failure for not jumping right into graduate school I think; I have a job in my field. Not a permanent one, but it is experience. I just want to be ready, than the question of well you moved all the way down here to take a break and then go back. Gah! Maybe I just should….Send out the e-mails get everything in, and if I am not accepted then I will be more ready next year!

Oh I don’t know, I don’t want to waste my old professors time writing a Letter of Rec if I still have to re-take the GREs before they change the format…My previous score is 980…ugh. I am not good at taking these standardized tests…This I the fight I have with myself. My supervisor talks me in to it and that yes this is a difficult decision and my working experience is very beneficial.

I always have a feeling of self doubt before I do something, like when I ran my first XC meet in college. I was all most in tears, saying that if I even finish I will be in last place! Yet, I finished the race and not even close to last place!

Ugh. If I can prepare for a marathon and I apply to graduate school. Applying for graduate school takes less time and effort than my 16 week training for a marathon!

I think my mental stress about apply for graduate school is why I am having so many nightmares, a colleague said it sounds like I have Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome…ugh

Sorry I am rambling… I will be better tomorrow.

Monday, November 22, 2010

A 16 miles and a camping we will go!

This past weekend I went camping, redneck style. I had 16 miles on the books the tackle first! I went to work early so that I could get it done after work. I planned 4 loops of 4 miles…I set out each loop good, the first one I though that I goofed and ran too short a distance. But looked at my map later I did not.

I ran 16 miles in 2:16:16 mins at a 8:31pace. GU on the 8 mile mark. Wow I am doing alright it seems. I took my ice bath stretched, the bf and I had decided on pizza for dinner since we had to get ready for the weekend.

There are times after my long runs I just can not put anything in to my body, I ate small salad and two small pieces of a 10” pizza pie. Eh-what ev.
Completing my run before going camping made me feel (1) accomplished and then (2) lazy all weekend lol.

I say redneck camping because it was at his hunting club, dog hunting. We stayed in an old Truck refrigerator trailer. It has been transformed in to a “camper” with four beds a kitchen and a huge screen tv, but not a new one. Like one of the original BIG screens lol.
It is still fun. WE (meaning just him I sat in the truck) hunted all day, no dead bambi’s YAY! He just shot at one but didn’t hit it. Then I made a fire, we grilled dinner and drank some Coors and budlites by the fire I made! I did get to make my BF his first Smore…I can not believe he had no clue what it was?!
Now he loves them!
So my running is doing well over all. This upcoming weekend we are going camping again so Friday I will do my 20 miler…
Today I have 10miles, two of which I will be running with a friend yay!
Happy Monday!

Friday, November 19, 2010

Over Looked Thankfulness?

There are things that we seem to over look. We get up get ready for work, do our morning ritual, go to work/school, come home either workout/run/family time etc. Dinner, rest, sleep, and repeat the next day. These are all things that as individuals we work hard for. We put everything into our homes, our toys, our cars, our family and loved ones.

Do we think about these things?

Maybe this came at the right time of year.

The BF and I had to take our clothes to the apartment laundry room, our dryer broke and he is not Mr. fix it…Well at least with this stoopid dryer. So we take the clothes up (it is dark) but them in the dryer and get ready to go. We were going out for dinner. A woman knocks on the door we open because we are leaving and she walks in. Now this is a problem because we have a key to get in to that locked building (paid for) she apparently did not. We did not know if she lived there. So my guy stayed inside while I went to the car (she did not look right, like on drugs), he did not want to feel responsible if something happened to our clothes or the community center. He told her that he didn’t feel comfortable with her being in there without a key, so she walked out.

Note: BF had the gas tank stolen out of his john boat last month. We live in a great community just bad people are everywhere.

These people had been sitting in a car, just sitting in it. Weird.

So I am out running the other day and I notice the same red car in a different location in the community trying to move their car. Um okay, car troubles.

Then yesterday I am out for my run which was going to be 9 but today I am running my long run (going camping this weekend), I run by see them now parked by my apartment. They look like they are checking the battery or something in the engine…okay. They never say anything to anyone. They are kind of out of it.

In the evening, around 6 or 7 I take my puppers out and that red car is still there…they are in it just sitting there with sheets in the windows. Creepy, are they living in it? It scares me thinking that they may still something or just walk into someone apartment.

Later when BF comes home from hunting he says that there are cops outside getting the people out of the car and talking to them. He confirms they were living in the car; the one woman was kicked out of her moms’ apartment here. BF stays down stairs and waits for the officer who apparently lives in our community (several police officers live in our apartment community as well as the neighborhood behind mine; I am thankful) He gives the officer the case number about his stolen gas tank, the office mentions that another one was just stolen last week! These people may be the ones who did the crime…
They obliviously needed it, they were not working, who knows what they were eating, drinking, smoking, or snorting. These people seemed to give up on making good choices. I always believe you make what you want with what you were given.

With thanksgiving coming up I am thankful for the healthy choices I have made with my life and worked very hard for everything that I have. I never had anything given to me but I made due with what I have, as well as making it grow.

I came to work early today so that I get off early to run my 16 miles since I am going with the BF camping at his hunting club! Fun times.
Have a great and safe weekend out there
What are you thankful for?

Thursday, November 18, 2010

My short, very short leash

Running last night was night was what it was once for me. When I first seriously started running in college when I joined the women’s cross country team, running was an outlet. It was a place for me to not think about what was going on in my life, which included a very abusive relationship for all of my freshmen year. It was devastating, but running was my way to cope at the time. I would not even feel the practice that we were running. What coach 24x 400 meters? Sure! The longer the practice the better! During that time people all around me would tell me that I was dumb for being non athletic to attempting to be on a varsity team. HA!

I grew up, got help and every year learned how to be a better person. Running has always been my major out let. I lost touch with that over the years do to the drugs (the happy ones) and other things that made me just practically sleep for an entire year of my life.

But yesterday was different. This whole week (as in from 11/10-now) has been different! I had a difficult time at work, some days I just feel so inadequate. That my boss does not trust me nor believe I can do the work. Ugh. I know I can and so do my supervisor and other colleagues. But I sit through it; I learn how to work through everything. My boss was walking me through, as I was on a short…very short leash, a protocol. It takes almost 6 hour to complete. This is the third time he is showing me…this is the third time he has changed every single step. See my frustration? How do you learn if it is always changing? Maybe this is some karate kid stuff?

Wax on…Wax off...
So after work all I really wanted was a very large very strong margarita.
Awk! I had 9 miles on the books to do… I fight myself…I put the shoes on…Walk out the door…music on…go.
I talked myself through the first 3 miles, they kind of sucked. I had cramping but I ran through it. I said okay maybe 3 miles is okay! What NO 3 ≠ 9. I do another 3 miles loop…this one, I went blank I eased through it like it was no problem. Then I got to my end of that loop than before I could begin to talk my self out of it I turned around and ran my 3 mile loop backward to complete the 9 miles.

Afterwards at home icing down and stretching there was no pain, just bliss. I kept going because that was what I needed, I was happy and not stressed out any more about my day. It was over and I survived to live again. I don’t hate my boss he wants me to learn, he is just particular about things.
I still had a margarita (we went for Mexican) but I worked for it first!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Motivation That Tricky Little Bugger

Motivation is a tricky little guy, he comes and goes as he pleases it seems. One day he is thriving and says, “Yeah! We got this, keep going!” and then other times he just walks out the door with out saying a word. When he is gone it feels like he took part of me with him. Like (nerd alert) the Golden Compass, he took my Damen away from me and I had indecision. Okay so I just watched that movie this weekend.

This is how I feel, because right now he is in my life and jumping up and down like Peanut on crack (he still denies his drug problem). ZOooommmm.
Last night I ran my 4 miles that I had to make up from Mondays Boudreaux (thanks CK for that word) 9 miles, I got in 5. This was because I was still sore from my 19.5 miles (as previously mentioned). I am today, Wednesday, still sore. I really hurt myself by not running for a full week; I am trying to keep it good as to not injury myself. I also did some XT workout, short but full intensity. Love it.

I have been feeling my shines slightly, not bad but don’t want to hurt them. I am taking 100% precautions, icing all the time. I hate medicine so that is only an option after long runs. I have also notice cracking, my legs and knees. Any ideas for that?
This morning I woke up at 6 a.m. wide awake, weird. I have been trying to wake up early to go for my run, or work out, or yoga, or just something! But this morning something was different, that little man Motivation was jumping on a trampoline in me. I got up made coffee (but didn’t drink it) and did my set of high intensity interval training for the day. I always worry about hurting my shins; one day when they grow up they will be nice and strong! After this workout I feel good and my shins feel no more worse for ware. I definitely do enjoy that morning work out watching the sunrise and the cool breeze coming through my sliding glass door. Awhh perfect.
Seeing the sunrise even if it is just on my pond in the center of a bunch of apartments is still pretty, it still shines.
My loving bf said that I am too awake for this time in the morning, as I am jumping on the bed trying to wake him up! Ha-ha.

So today my friends I have 9 miles with 5x5x5, but that is for 5k training so I may alter it. Like 8 mins x3, and then add up the miles.
Lately when I run (besides my 19.5 miles) I haven’t been running my easy runs with my Timex, because I just run faster than I am supposed and don’t know how to run slower. I didn’t mention last blog but I finish my 19.5 miles in 2:50:00 so not too bad.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

20 miles of bliss

This past Saturday was my first attempt at 20 miles. It was kind of stoopid, considering I have been slacking off for a week. I ran Thursday (5 miles), and then Friday 9 miles. They were uneventful. Just attacked by 12 year old boys with pellet guns…

So I prepare for my long run. I had gone to DICK’S to get more GU’s I bought Chocolate Outrage, TriBerry, and Cliff’s Razz something. At home I still had a Strawberry banana GU.

I woke up early Saturday, thanks to my puppy Rain. She decided I should be up at 3 A.M. to take her out then woke me up at 7. So I got up, slowly ate my breakfast of old fashion oats with banana and cinnamon. About 8 O’clock I was ready to go!

I layered up, tights on, sleeveless running shirt with a long sleeve over it. I put 1 GU in my tiny pocket of my tights with my iPOD then my other GU’s in the sports bra (front). Ha-ha you’ll find out how that ended up in the end.

I head out, it was great running weather. Honestly my run was not that exciting. I ran 17.72ish miles from my apartment to a bike path and the 6.75 miles to the end of it then back home. Every hour I fueled.

Strawberry banana GU- Love it!

Cliff Razz- Love it, tasted like warm push pops

So I must just not enjoy the Lemon Sublime or what ever that one I had the other week.

I was beginning to hurt after or around mile 18. I was slowing down, I was aching, my gait was not normal; I couldn’t get my body to do what I wanted. Also at the 2 hour mark I took off my long sleeve. I put body glide on the sports bra area but not the armpit area. The last four miles I got pure rubbing but only on one arm. My right side.

By time I made it back to my parking lot I wanted to cry, actually I think I was in tears: pain and accomplishment. I sipped some water and kept going I had 2 miles left. I painstakingly made a mile then had to stop, I do not want to be dumb and injure myself this late in the game.

Ice bath, hot shower, protein shake then look over the damage to the body.

First: my right pinky toe (something is up with my whole right side of my body only side that is ever damaged) my WHOLE pinky toe was a blister….shoe problem. Need to go a size up.

Second: Remember where I stored two of my GU’s??? Yeah bad idea, the two girls were badly hurt!! Deep scratches…I am dumb lol… Find a better location..

Over all I am proud of what I can accomplish and how well my body is doing. This is the first time I am sore and it is from my week of slacking on the running until the last minute. My right quad I sore still but it teaches me that if I want to be strong I need to keep going no matter how much I just want to sit on the couch.

Like Monday night I did not really want to run due to just being tired I had 9 to do, but did 5, so today I will do 4 plus some XT.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

The Land of Thousand Excuses

For the past week (last Thursday-this Thursday) I have made excuses for not running. Getting ready to go on a road trip to PA, a 10+hour drive, then again this week. Candy. I have been pumped to go run, then I come home I know it is about to be dark soon and I sit down. Done. Dead for the night. Ugh! Then I beat myself up mentally about it!

Colton St. Peter had it right, just making up excuse called being Lazy. It is not a good one. I am very capable of getting up and running for a few hours at a time, I have done it and at a legit pace. What is it that has been holding me back?

Sure I am afraid of the dark, but there are working treadmills at the gym I pay for and the gym at my apartment which I pay even more for. UGH!

Then my darling BF has said that he does not want to hear me talk about my body any more, especially on days I don’t work out. I feel sad…slightly depressed, but not all day nor all the time. Just when I come home to that dark apartment. Man I miss the days of I was so determined, maybe I just do not have enough on my plate. Like I did in college. Do other people feel this way after college, like now what?

Maybe it would be different if I had a better job. I have a job that I went to school for I work in an R&D but I am a temp, but not a normal temp. I could have this position for as long as I like. Just with out any benefits of any kind. I get total of 6 paid days off a calendar year. The women at work are like why are you not applying for the better jobs?! DO not get stuck here. I think I am afraid of the new. But the killer is…..

I randomly deceived on my graduation day that in 3 month time I would safe up a lot of money and move out of my hometown on the lake in PA….and I did. I took a map, closed my eyes, waved a finger…and BAM

Landed in Charleston, SC…Month later got a real job.

Now I got comfortable.

All my life I have been that person that fights for everything that I want…Kills me because I want to go to graduate school and a great job with benefits, to be fit and active….But Somewhere I am still fighting for that determination

Ugh, just babbling at this point.

I need to be a Nike ad, and Just Do It….

But I’ll say on here, just to 150% make sure I do it…Going to do my planned run today of 9miles.

Okay. There. Anyone harsh good comments to kick me in to line?