Tuesday, November 23, 2010

TOO Much on my Mind

I had thought about running in a Turkey Trot. I had all intentions to run in one, along with my BF. It was slightly expensive, $30.00 but was going to. Then I just forgot, and now have decided that my forgetting to register for it was a good idea. It does not seem so smart to run on Turkey day, well race then eat a lot and then run 20 miles the next day. And camping again this weekend

I should have run yesterday, but I was so exhausted still from the weekend of camping. I only have 4 runs a week; I get them in just not on the original schedule.

So this week-

Tuesday- 8miles

Wednesday-10 with 8 miles at 8:43

Thursday- 8 miles

Friday- 20 miles

I am going camping Friday night until Sunday so this is how I can fit it in, I wanted a rest day before my 20 but I also need to get my miles in.

It is funny now that 8 miles truly is easy and I know I will finish just over an hour.

My motivation last week was great, this week… It is there. I am worried slightly that I am getting or have been sick. I have just felt drained and can’t seem over come it. I also have had a slight headache and just sick feeling…

I have too much on my mind…about graduate school, do I apply? It is crunch time and I just don’t know if I am ready? Then I feel pressure by everyone that I need to apply now like if I don’t apply now then I never will. That is not it… I have all ways been the most motivated person anyone knows, I think I want to do different things before I go back to school.

I am not a failure for not jumping right into graduate school I think; I have a job in my field. Not a permanent one, but it is experience. I just want to be ready, than the question of well you moved all the way down here to take a break and then go back. Gah! Maybe I just should….Send out the e-mails get everything in, and if I am not accepted then I will be more ready next year!

Oh I don’t know, I don’t want to waste my old professors time writing a Letter of Rec if I still have to re-take the GREs before they change the format…My previous score is 980…ugh. I am not good at taking these standardized tests…This I the fight I have with myself. My supervisor talks me in to it and that yes this is a difficult decision and my working experience is very beneficial.

I always have a feeling of self doubt before I do something, like when I ran my first XC meet in college. I was all most in tears, saying that if I even finish I will be in last place! Yet, I finished the race and not even close to last place!

Ugh. If I can prepare for a marathon and I apply to graduate school. Applying for graduate school takes less time and effort than my 16 week training for a marathon!

I think my mental stress about apply for graduate school is why I am having so many nightmares, a colleague said it sounds like I have Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome…ugh

Sorry I am rambling… I will be better tomorrow.

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