Thursday, November 18, 2010

My short, very short leash

Running last night was night was what it was once for me. When I first seriously started running in college when I joined the women’s cross country team, running was an outlet. It was a place for me to not think about what was going on in my life, which included a very abusive relationship for all of my freshmen year. It was devastating, but running was my way to cope at the time. I would not even feel the practice that we were running. What coach 24x 400 meters? Sure! The longer the practice the better! During that time people all around me would tell me that I was dumb for being non athletic to attempting to be on a varsity team. HA!

I grew up, got help and every year learned how to be a better person. Running has always been my major out let. I lost touch with that over the years do to the drugs (the happy ones) and other things that made me just practically sleep for an entire year of my life.

But yesterday was different. This whole week (as in from 11/10-now) has been different! I had a difficult time at work, some days I just feel so inadequate. That my boss does not trust me nor believe I can do the work. Ugh. I know I can and so do my supervisor and other colleagues. But I sit through it; I learn how to work through everything. My boss was walking me through, as I was on a short…very short leash, a protocol. It takes almost 6 hour to complete. This is the third time he is showing me…this is the third time he has changed every single step. See my frustration? How do you learn if it is always changing? Maybe this is some karate kid stuff?

Wax on…Wax off...
So after work all I really wanted was a very large very strong margarita.
Awk! I had 9 miles on the books to do… I fight myself…I put the shoes on…Walk out the door…music on…go.
I talked myself through the first 3 miles, they kind of sucked. I had cramping but I ran through it. I said okay maybe 3 miles is okay! What NO 3 ≠ 9. I do another 3 miles loop…this one, I went blank I eased through it like it was no problem. Then I got to my end of that loop than before I could begin to talk my self out of it I turned around and ran my 3 mile loop backward to complete the 9 miles.

Afterwards at home icing down and stretching there was no pain, just bliss. I kept going because that was what I needed, I was happy and not stressed out any more about my day. It was over and I survived to live again. I don’t hate my boss he wants me to learn, he is just particular about things.
I still had a margarita (we went for Mexican) but I worked for it first!

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