Wednesday, December 2, 2009


I have been through some crazy times with some crazy people, I have loved many, hated several, and lost countless.    You think that some people will always be the ones that you can tell your deepest darkest secrets to, or be that shoulder to depend on when you need to cry it all out.  Everything seems to come and go in waves, friends, good ones, close ones, simple ones, drinking ones, movie night ones.

I knew my freshmen year of college due to a situation of an abusive relationship I lost the closenss of two very important people.  I pushed dozens away that year, few came back and I was able to reconcile but many never wanted to speak to me again.  I understand I lied and I pushed, but the mental state is no a normal one when it is involing an abusive relationship.

We all seem to drift apart, different schools, different cities, different parts of the country or world! It can get lonely, it is like when you leave and start a new life you have to start all over with the people you let know initmate parts of your life!

 I know I am going through this process, there are two friends from back home I do not want to lose and I do try to make contact with them, though it seems like a lost cause because I do not get a response or communication from the other end.  It is a hard reality to hit.  Now I am becoming close to a friend here and it is nice, a new friend/relationship (thats how i've considers these things).  THough who knows how long i'll be here or her (married to airforce)

It is easier for couples, people who have a significant other (male or female) becuase then if its right then not only do they have a lover, but someone who is also their bestfriend whom they are so close to on so so many levels.

I feel I have been missing out on quite a bit, since I seperated my self my senior year of college from my friends at school and also not having someone by my side.  Not that I'm saying I need to be dependent on someone but, after 2 years(feb) it would be nice to find someone who'll stick around past the 30 day mark.

Randomly been thinking this....

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