Recently I went on a trip to the BIG WINDY CITY~ Chicago. I needed a vacation from the world. Took a train out, slept the entire time. Got there, huge buildings everywhere. Walked the city all day...So different. I felt like I was in the middle of a place where everyone only thought about their blackberries, black jackets, and girls with there highheel boots and the jeans tucked in them. Sitting on the train I saw a sea of black coats and blackberries flooding the train. HA!
I was where Obama works, Huge dark building, all of windows. The secret service.
Drinking at martini bars, have a new name {pennsylvania}, learned that I do not like the big city.
Now home, back to my reality. So far it really hasn't been that great, bad news after bad news.
Still living I suposse, Now looking for full-time J.O.B's need to finish my semester with flying colors and do a lot on my own.
SO, I am overwhelmed with school and multiple jobs. I juggle 18 credits with over 18 hour work weeks, along with sorority, other organizations, family, and once in a while social outing. I am an overachiever, who sometimes feels unappreciated. I take on a lot, with little in return (at the time. I have 2 full blown research projects, one with a professor and one just me. I am a graduating senior trying to get into graduate school. I carry burdens of the past and wishes of the future. There are only a few moments in a day I am allowed to just think about other things than said previously. I am a robot who wakes up and is preset for the day. I come home late at night exhausted from my day. With all of this it would seem difficult to have anything to wonder about and think about other than previously mentioned activities. Yet I still have time to criticize my work ethic, my emotions, and my body, I feel as if I do not work hard enough, I am too emotional, and out of shape. Even if I am constantly studying, working through emotions and eating healthy/ working out. I always be the smart/ intelligent girl with her downsides.
I am going to a speaker tomorrow for my Sorority (we are sponsoring), Courtney Martin. I just watched her youtube video (below) and now my reaction is to be in awe. She writes about what we as the intelligent overachiever women think about deep inside. I am excited to see her tomorrow night. Now I am in my research lab waiting for LB Broth to cool and put in some lovely DNA. Today before work (at the bar) going to pick up her book.
Every day we walk through our day running our errands, heading to work, going to school, nightlife.... We walk through and don't notice the small little blessings. Driving today, listening to music that put me in a good mood...A butterfly flew right in front of me. Lately i haven't noticed any butterflies around, and today one blessed me with its beauty...
Even living in the city there is so much beauty that we do not appreciate enough... A few days ago I had a few hours before work. Went down to the public dock that used to not be so touristy, So many tourist visit it. But it's still nice and relaxing to go down sit on the edge of the dock (while the silly tourists are taking pictures), The water was choppy, blue, some sale boats in the distance. It was relaxing.
As I've learned today about psychology and flow. "Flow is the mental state of operation in which the person is fully immersed in what he or she is doing by a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and success in the process of the activity." Wiki
Experiencing Flow
Clear goals (expectations and rules are discernible and goals are attainable and align appropriately with one's skill set and abilities).
Concentrating and focusing, a high degree of concentration on a limited field of attention (a person engaged in the activity will have the opportunity to focus and to delve deeply into it).
A loss of the feeling of self-consciousness, the merging of action and awareness.
Distorted sense of time, one's subjective experience of time is altered.
Direct and immediate feedback (successes and failures in the course of the activity are apparent, so that behavior can be adjusted as needed).
Balance between ability level and challenge (the activity is neither too easy nor too difficult).
A sense of personal control over the situation or activity.
The activity is intrinsically rewarding, so there is an effortlessness of action.
People become absorbed in their activity, and focus of awareness is narrowed down to the activity itself, action awareness merging
I believe in our crazy lives of working long hours, spending days in the library, running from job to job, running around the city running errands...We need to spend some time finding our own flow....
I was reading a book that I could not remember if I had read before, I'd obviously seen the movie...So I went to the library one day and picked it up. Memoirs of a Geisha. Took me a week to finish, as I just did earlier this evening. I can say I 1) do remember reading it 2) was teary at a few points. The struggle with life.
The struggle of the loss of family, becoming a slave/maid if you will, no control of day to day roles....The struggle of surviving in a time of turmoil....To find happiness that was said to be unattainable.
I was finally actually reading into the words of the author of the womans life. As I was actively reading, I could relate in some way. Just as every girl can struggling to come out in a world that is controlled by men and the thoughts of what a "proper" woman should do/ act. The loss of family member to a disease. Growing up unknowing of my own destiny, thinking that I have found it. Then it is gone. Or hold on to somethings that just need to be let go of. Wishing to send messages to someone, like throwing flowers into the river hoping that person may see them and pick a petal up out of the water.
With all of the bumps in life. The ups and downs. The tears and joy. Right now I may be in a hole per se. I have felt very low since returning to dreary Eeeerie (as some call it), as well as some bad luck. With people, mutiple cars, and money.
I feel true to this quote lately(slightly edited)..."life has been like a stream that falls over rocky cliffs before it can reach the ocean..."..."whatever our struggles and triumphs, however we may suffer them, all too soon they bleed in into a wash, just like watery in on paper."
THE AMAZING ADVENTURE This is laguna beach. It was so beautiful, and nice surfer guys :-D took a picture of the sign here because with my phone i couldn't take a picture of the actual signs, still pretty sweet to be in hollywood. where i did meet a star :-D
So today in my great life went to my physical therapy appointment due to my car accident, pretty much just got a really good neck message....Then on my Journey out to school, in the middle of no where....So walked down to get Tim Hortin's coffee (which is way to hot and need an extra cup covering it), then waiting for the bus... Yes lovely Erie Public Transit System.
There are always such interesting people on the bus....To go out to school which is in the next town over it has to go all the way through the city downtown and then back up through the city to go out again. There was an interesting character whom decided to talk to the bus driver the entire time, rambling... Only Erie's "finest" ride on here it seems like. THEN the bus driver believes that I am someone I'm not and keeps trying to communicate with saying he remembers me. I take the bus like once a year....Asks me if I have children, UGH no!!! i'm sitting there just trying to read my book in peace for this HOUR LONG bus ride to school....
I make it to school and did not have to do much work in my lab...so another hour ride home (by the way by car it takes 15 mins) on the way home even more characters
A woman who used to come in to subway and annoy us all and be very needy for no specific reason. WOuld need something every few minutes. Well she struggles to get on because she has an electric basket wheel chair, mind you she has no problems walking. took her 5 minutes to get it on the bus then 4 more to try and tie it up. The driver had to wait, then every minute she got up and put her large a@# in my face while wearing a matching ugly green sweat suit...to fix her NOT MOVING chair....
I also believe that most people who ride the bus feel that showering is just an option....People it is not an option it is a MUST everyday not once every few weeks.
It has been too long....Feel like for sometime I have lost my mind...Running through thoughts, events, life....now getting my bearings back....Took a airbag in the face to remember everything I'm working towards.
You work hard for something that you want and it feels very awesome when you earn the grades or reward that you struggled hard to obtain. Through all the stress of the books, lack of sleep/fun, wanting it all to be over, almost giving up...The last few feet that seem to drag. Well are rewarding....
Lately working is my main passion I guess you could say. Attempting three jobs (when I have a car) Bartending (LOVE IT) Sandwhich making (slavery) and reseach.
when to California for an AMAZING two weeks (pictures still to come), First day right off of my lovely 1st class flight was taken to the ocean :) gorgeous!!! Spent everyday with my cousin who also was getting married. Everyday was beautiful, 90 degrees, no humidity.... Went to Laguna Beach, Newport Beach. Hollywood :-D even Saw a TV star. I did not want to come home back to the United States (haha) It was like I left the country, only to come back to a dark home....
...home....it was a cloudy dark day....went down to the dock sat there for a while thinking about everything that occured out in "never never land" my mind stayed back there with my heart it seems....Home....everything knocked me down...lost a few things, somme for the good some for the bad... Its always how you come out of things...lately i've been taken it pretty calm, unlike the waters i've been swimming in lately.
So where did this summer go? Lost it with my mind wandering, now was back on track.. Studying to take my GREs working in my lab and at the bar and other places. Found a great car...soooo for my topic I've sent you through SO CAl and now....
Went with my glass, car accident, glass....glass...everywhere...look down for a second and everything is up in smoke...more damage to me then to the car...damn airbags...2nd degree burns these things are made to save you... when I got more hurt from them then without....Just recently had a conversation about how they are dangerous then few weeks later I get to defend it...
