NEw Life

HEllo out to everyone (not like there is anyone)

It has been months, upon months since I've written anything. Well I haven't had an exiting few months. Subway and bartending everyday from May to Aug and no friend time. Because I wanted to escape and move far far away, well I did it!

I am now on a new life and adventure of my own, to begin so many new things!

Moved to the Low Country of Charleston, SC. Love'in the weather, the people, the neighbors, the co-workers. I have been here now for a month and 5 days! within that time I have recently gotten a job at a ressearch company for molecular plant biology (AWESOMNESS) and I work part time at bdubs to make some friends really. Loving my own lil' space with making my dreams come true.

I have always wanted my own apartment and to move on my own and have pretty much my own life to make what I want of it.

To do the things I want to do without the ppl negative ppl I lived around back home, I feel like the life back home was dark and full of negative energy. While here I feel the exact opposite, its bright, full of life, positive energy and so many new opportunities!

My the backdrop of my day job is in the woods that if full of life and new creatures (to me), snakes, lizards. LIke rat snakes, anoles, skinks.

so many places to go hiking, kahiking, the ocean!!!!!

1 year

What do you do when so much time has passed, the world has moved on to bigger and better things.  There are changes all the time all around us, our environments, our friends, our loved ones, the places we live, the seasons change.  I have watched the leaves change color and fall, I seen the snow come and go.  The rain begin and end. 

Though some things do no end, the memories, the moments, the precious times that cannot leave your mind. Still having so much emotion and memories of one moment/ event. That still cannot leave your mind.

Then, just to see in the eyes of another that, the moment you hold on to has left their memory.  To move on to a new memory. It sucks. Point blank, sucks

Ever wonder what could have made the outcome different.

Change the path.

How to move on? and Forget after a year of trying...

This is the most pathetic blog I've written.

Chi-Town

Recently I went on a trip to the BIG WINDY CITY~ Chicago.  I needed a vacation from the world.  Took a train out, slept the entire time.  Got there, huge buildings everywhere.  Walked the city all day...So different.  I felt like I was in the middle of a place where everyone only thought about their blackberries, black jackets, and girls with there highheel boots and the jeans tucked in them.  Sitting on the train I saw a sea of black coats and blackberries flooding the train. HA!  

I was where Obama works, Huge dark building, all of windows.  The secret service.  

Drinking at martini bars, have a new name {pennsylvania}, learned that I do not like the big city.

Now home, back to my reality. So far it really hasn't been that great, bad news after bad news.  

Still living I suposse, Now looking for full-time J.O.B's need to finish my semester with flying colors and do a lot on my own.

Perfect girls and Starving daughters

SO, I am overwhelmed with school and multiple jobs. I juggle 18 credits with over 18 hour work weeks, along with sorority, other organizations, family, and once in a while social outing. I am an overachiever, who sometimes feels unappreciated. I take on a lot, with little in return (at the time. I have 2 full blown research projects, one with a professor and one just me. I am a graduating senior trying to get into graduate school. I carry burdens of the past and wishes of the future. There are only a few moments in a day I am allowed to just think about other things than said previously. I am a robot who wakes up and is preset for the day. I come home late at night exhausted from my day. With all of this it would seem difficult to have anything to wonder about and think about other than previously mentioned activities. Yet I still have time to criticize my work ethic, my emotions, and my body, I feel as if I do not work hard enough, I am too emotional, and out of shape. Even if I am constantly studying, working through emotions and eating healthy/ working out. I always be the smart/ intelligent girl with her downsides.

I am going to a speaker tomorrow for my Sorority (we are sponsoring), Courtney Martin. I just watched her youtube video (below) and now my reaction is to be in awe. She writes about what we as the intelligent overachiever women think about deep inside.

I am excited to see her tomorrow night. Now I am in my research lab waiting for LB Broth to cool and put in some lovely DNA. Today before work (at the bar) going to pick up her book.

Butterflies

Every day we walk through our day running our errands, heading to work, going to school, nightlife.... We walk through and don't notice the small little blessings. Driving today, listening to music that put me in a good mood...A butterfly flew right in front of me. Lately i haven't noticed any butterflies around, and today one blessed me with its beauty...

Even living in the city there is so much beauty that we do not appreciate enough... A few days ago I had a few hours before work. Went down to the public dock that used to not be so touristy, So many tourist visit it. But it's still nice and relaxing to go down sit on the edge of the dock (while the silly tourists are taking pictures), The water was choppy, blue, some sale boats in the distance. It was relaxing.

As I've learned today about psychology and flow. "Flow is the mental state of operation in which the person is fully immersed in what he or she is doing by a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and success in the process of the activity." Wiki

Experiencing Flow

1. Clear goals (expectations and rules are discernible and goals are attainable and align appropriately with one's skill set and abilities).
2. Concentrating and focusing, a high degree of concentration on a limited field of attention (a person engaged in the activity will have the opportunity to focus and to delve deeply into it).
3. A loss of the feeling of self-consciousness, the merging of action and awareness.
4. Distorted sense of time, one's subjective experience of time is altered.
5. Direct and immediate feedback (successes and failures in the course of the activity are apparent, so that behavior can be adjusted as needed).
6. Balance between ability level and challenge (the activity is neither too easy nor too difficult).
7. A sense of personal control over the situation or activity.
8. The activity is intrinsically rewarding, so there is an effortlessness of action.
9. People become absorbed in their activity, and focus of awareness is narrowed down to the activity itself, action awareness merging

I believe in our crazy lives of working long hours, spending days in the library, running from job to job, running around the city running errands...We need to spend some time finding our own flow....

苦闘

I was reading a book that I could not remember if I had read before, I'd obviously seen the movie...So I went to the library one day and picked it up. Memoirs of a Geisha. Took me a week to finish, as I just did earlier this evening. I can say I 1) do remember reading it 2) was teary at a few points. The struggle with life.

The struggle of the loss of family, becoming a slave/maid if you will, no control of day to day roles....The struggle of surviving in a time of turmoil....To find happiness that was said to be unattainable.

I was finally actually reading into the words of the author of the womans life. As I was actively reading, I could relate in some way. Just as every girl can struggling to come out in a world that is controlled by men and the thoughts of what a "proper" woman should do/ act. The loss of family member to a disease. Growing up unknowing of my own destiny, thinking that I have found it. Then it is gone. Or hold on to somethings that just need to be let go of. Wishing to send messages to someone, like throwing flowers into the river hoping that person may see them and pick a petal up out of the water.

With all of the bumps in life. The ups and downs. The tears and joy. Right now I may be in a hole per se. I have felt very low since returning to dreary Eeeerie (as some call it), as well as some bad luck. With people, mutiple cars, and money.

I feel true to this quote lately(slightly edited)..."life has been like a stream that falls over rocky cliffs before it can reach the ocean..."..."whatever our struggles and triumphs, however we may suffer them, all too soon they bleed in into a wash, just like watery in on paper."

SO CALi Part DOS

THE AMAZING ADVENTURE

This is laguna beach. It was so beautiful, and nice surfer guys :-D
took a picture of the sign here because with my phone i couldn't take a picture of the actual signs, still pretty sweet to be in hollywood. where i did meet a star :-D